I kept quiet for a very long time…three months actually. Here’s why:
We moved:
We returned to paradise….
I married Der Mann:
P.S: We really did move to The Bowery!!!!
…For two nights, we did. Bless mitzekatze and her wedding gift, cushioning our post-paradise depression and the bomb after a wretched 22-hour flight. Room service, truffle oil, and fluffy white gowns did the trick.
Details details details to follow. And more yoga – DA is back on track.
Week four of the meditation challenge and so many valid reasons to skip it this morning:
The second coat of red on my toes was prohibiting me from sitting cross-legged, the day needed to be re-arranged with clients switching times, I was preparing to pounce on the lawyer/broker about our apartment and lastly, I was grumpy with a truffle salt hangover, still gulping mouthfuls of it as it seeped out of my pores.
All valid!
Yet I did it for the group. Whether or not the 14 of us are meditating every day or not doesn’t matter – the support and energy from everyone’s intention is all that matters and it definitely motivates me…most of the time.
Despite the mind-scattering effects from the series of events this morning, I knew meditation would do me good. At the right time, I remembered notes jotted down earlier this year during a discussion with humbling Sharon Salzberg at the Tibet House.
Sharon Salzberg surprised me. In learning forums, to describe me as skeptical is an understatement. My background in journalism combined with my pursuit in yoga leads me to expect nothing less than an honest, straight-up approach from my teachers. Any hint of hoaxyness, any signs of an over-enthused preacher and they lose me. Especially when my mind is involved, the skepticism quadruples. When I listened to Sharon for the first time, the skeptic in me quietened right down and she had me wide-eyed and earnest.
On matters regarding an active mind, Sharon assured us that the mind is conditioned to think. So unsurprisingly, during meditation, taming the mind is difficult. And this isn’t even the point of it all according to Sharon, because “the crucial part of meditation is when we realize we are distracted and let go with loving kindness”.
Sharon’s take on Buddhist concepts was refreshing. Regarding Buddhism, I’ve often wondered where the cycle of suffering and craving start and end, and whether I’m actually allowed to feel anything. Admittedly, my level of understanding and study is at an extremely basic level, but the simplicity of Sharon’s teachings settle easily – it’s about compassion, loving kindness, sympathetic joy and equanimity.
Sharon believes “you can’t have a wrong experience during meditation”. Thank god for that, because 20 minutes still feels like hours and I’m still convinced my alarm has malfunctioned around the 15 minute mark. There’s still the constant chatter and I can literally feel the anxiety bubbling up and hopefully out. Things may not have changed much whilst meditating, but walking out the front door and hitting the NY pavement afterwards almost always feels much more exciting.
The 30 day meditation challenge is keeping me afloat these days. Still hard to find the time to sit, but the sweet relief of quiet time and stillness has kicked in.
Keeping up with everything has felt a little like this:
(Montauk, July, 2007, first holiday together).
Three of the more interesting accomplishments this week:
Excellent food at Balaboosta and a bottle of red later….
Super Saturdays….
Freya Wong, double fringe and all. Newest addition to the family.
Ari Wong…almost 2!
It was my 34th bday on Wedneday.
As I sat in my mid-morning meditation, I wandered off – far, far away.
I recalled my 31st bday spent in Chennai, India, when I was studying with Desikachar. My room in the apartment where I boarded couldn’t get more sterile. Fluorescent lighting, not only horrid but loud. And mint-green linoleum floors, which I despised but enjoyed sprawling on to absorbed some of the Chennai heat I’d trapped in my body. I went on a bizarre tangent during my meditation that morning in 2007. I tried imagining being in my mother’s womb, as I’d decided the theme of the day was experiencing life as a new born (or I think Rob Brezny did when he declared my weekly horoscope). As wacky as it sounds, it surprised me how emotional the experience was. Knowing mum, putting myself in her skin for a second and imagining what she went through was wild.
Back to the present, this year was very different. Meditation was spent revising wedding dresses, plotting food/vino stops with Ana and battling the devil that was trying to convincing me that a nana-nap would be much more useful than meditating.
Birthday’s in NY are good because I get to span them over three days.
Pre-birthday time for just me and Der Mann. Yes this is a bottle of Sake, not wine and a very tall, friendly and tipsy Uma T showed us how it would all go down as she tripped past our table a few times.
The day of: teaching, dresses, ice-cream and and afternoon cocktails with this girl. Did we find the one?
Followed by too much of this….
The third day of celebrations is about recovery. Treats to keep me afloat as scramble from client to client. Chi totally off, no swiftness in my step and constantly encountering slow, angry, or more hungover pedestrians than myself.
It was Day 4 of Project Meditation and much of this session was spent plotting my Wholefoods purchases, rather than attempting to dial into my unborn self.
Wondering when this meditation will get easy?
xx
MONDAY MORNING, DAY ONE OF THE 30-DAY MEDITATION CHALLENGE.
Good Yogi: Soooo tired but better get straight to meditating before too many to-do’s come flooding in. I’m excited about this and didn’t think there would be 14 of us! Impressed that we’re all attempting to create some sort of change in our lives, but must admit, there is a part of me hoping that the next 30 days will miraculously change me for the better. Forever. No more rolling of the eyes at Der Mann, more gratitude and less envy, perhaps even less devil more angel?!
Bad Yogi: Uggghhh an extra half hour in bed would probably be highly beneficial for my health. In fact I’m convinced I need it, after my bout of 4am-wake-up-insomnia. If one feels this tired upon waking, surely it means an inadequate amount of sleep has been had.
Motivation supersedes laziness and DA yogi and Der Mann set up in separate rooms, alarms set, blankets out, mood quiet.
GY: Inhaling for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, exhaling for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Ribs are feeling a little prickly, might go down to counts of four. At least the tiredness is working to my benefit and my extremely heavy eyes have no problem closing. Such a distraction when they’re flickering with rebellion. Ok, there’s many thoughts going on right now, let’s gently reel it all in and come back the the breath. Inhale. Exhale. Easy does it.
BY: I am so good at this, I am pretty much the perfect yogi all in my stillness. Hang on. You’re getting it ALL WRONG! This isn’t supposed to be a seated snooze session where you just collapse into your morning fog! And Pema Chodron said it’s about simply being aware of the present situation – no labels of good or bad, right or wrong. What book was that again? Oooh my hips are feeling a bit creaky after last night’s class.
GY: You’re thinking, come back to the breath. Breath. It’s all good. Pema Chodron said it’s about being gentle with ourselves, about being lovingly open to what unfolds in the practice of meditation. And most importantly, being open enough to let stuff go. Whoop, thinking again. Breath. No probs. Letting it go, because it’s the right thing to do. Whoop. Ha! Breath.
BY: So I’ll be done at 8, then I’ll get my emails out, maybe I’ll have time for a quick jog. Nah, probably not. And then let’s see, meeting the cleaning lady at 10, won’t be home from teaching until 8pm tonight…what should I cook for dinner? Salmon burgers I guess. Not the healthiest option. But where can I fit in food shopping today? And there’s the accountant, the lawyer, the unpaid invoice…and I really should call my mum.
GY: Let the morning frenzy begin! Absolutely normal for a Monday morning and a busy week ahead. Just come back to the breath. And even though you can no longer feel your feet, yes, they are still there. Breath. You’re sitting with your frenzy and observing how it’s making you feel. And you’re not running away from it and breaking the meditation. You’re understanding it’s all good and all you need to do is breath.
BY: Der Mann’s alarm just went off. Sooo, mine should go off soon. Soon. Soon. Wasn’t mine set five minutes after his? Surely that’s long gone. Ohhh right, I must’ve set my alarm at PM rather than AM. I should check. Wait, no, I should stick this out, it’s that simple. But I’m a strict schedule today, can’t go overtime, too much to do, I definitely set that alarm wrong.
The second before DA was about to give in to impatience, the alarm rings. The day is hectic, however it’s one of those incredible NY days outside and DA gave it her best shot.
One of those cherished, perfect NY days: mumma wong, with perfect nails, Baby Cakes date. Hi Mum!
xx
I admit I neglect the practice of meditation, personally and in my teaching. When I read books like this, I wonder why.
Pema Chodron, a Tibetan Buddhist nun, changed my perspective on meditation a few years ago after a scarring first encounter. As a novice, I leapt into Vipassana, a 10-day silent meditation retreat. Surviving the battle felt good, but the experience left me petrified of shutting my eyes and finding my breath.
When I was re-introduced to meditation based on the teachings of Pema, it was like light, fluffy clouds. Well not really, I still had to deal with the workings of my own mind, but it was the first time I understood and accepted that many many many, ( x 1 000), thoughts arise during meditation.
In Pema Chondron’s latest book, “Taking the Leap”, she does it again. She reaches out in her teaching and makes the reader feel supported on so many levels. She recalls feeling like she was ‘failing’ during meditation, that at times she thinks, she visualizes, she gets agitated and her breath shortens. But her emphasis is that it’s really just “NO BIG DEAL”. And that accepting this is the first step to realizing that the practice of meditation is about “being open and receptive to whatever arises”.
The good news is I’m reading the book, the bad news is I’m not back in my meditation routine. Soon. For two reasons and they’re biggies – I know I need it and I’m not practicing what I teach. As requested (feeling terrible that they had to ask me!), I’ve been teaching a couple of my clients the basics recently. Being a part of their newfound stillness has been inspiring and the perfect reminder.
Stay tuned for a 30-day meditation challenge. Does anyone want to join me?
xx
I wish I could track my down 3U maths teacher from high school. “Mr Seines”, I would protest, “for your information, two Wongs made so many Wight’s this weekend!”.
The Hamptons was the destination and the forecast screamed drama. Hurricane Earl caused the first wrong. By the time Der Mann finished work on Friday, horrid storm warnings delayed our departure until Saturday morning.
Didn’t matter in the end, because some therapeutic baking too place turning this:
Into that:
I substituted brown rice flour for regular flour to make a gluten free version. This usually works, as long as you add xanthun gum as a binder. Vegans take note, this is far from your ideal recipe – there’s butter, eggs and sour cream in here.
Gluten free plum and sour cream cake (Adapted from Food 52, JSCooks):
1.5 cups brown rice flour
1.5 teaspoons xanthun gum
1 tspn baking powder
1/4 tspn baking soda
1/2 tspn salt
grated zest of 1 lemon
1/2 cup butter, plus more to grease cake tin
2/3 cup granulated sugar
2 large eggs
3/4 cup sour cream
1/2 tspn pure vanilla extract
2 tablespoons demerara sugar
7 medium sized firm but ripe plums, halved and pitted
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter and line a 9 by 2 inch cake pan.
Stir the brown rice flour, xanthum gum, baking powder, baking soda and salt.
Beat the butter and sugar until pale and quite fluffy (instructions call for a standing mixer or hand held mixer – I used a wooden spoon and perseverance and it worked). Use a spatula to mix in eggs one at a time, followed by the sour cream, vanilla and lemon zest. Add the flour mix until well combined, i.e. don’t over mix – the batter is quite thick.
Evenly spread a little more than half of the batter into the pan and sprinkle with 1 tablespoon of the demerara sugar. Arrange half of the plums face down. Dollop the remaining batter on top, and place the remaining plums, face up, on top. Even out the batter, sprinkle with the remaining sugar, and bake for 50-55 mins, rotating the cake half way through.
* My cake tin was a little bigger so after 45 mins my cake was done, the base was even a little burnt. Start peeping at around 35 mins and take the masterpiece out as soon as the cake starts to come away from the edges or a toothpick comes out clean.
It was bright and sunny all weekend, despite the wind on Saturday being a little wrong.
Didn’t matter though, it just emphasized the perfection of the rest of the weekend.
So right. A massive thank you to the gorgeous Marsha. I’ve been inspired by so many people during my time here in NY, this wonderful woman counts for about 10 of them.
This morning I taught a client staying here. I cleared the walk in 95 degree heat from Gramercy to Soho in 20 minutes. Thank god because it gave me 10 minutes to sit in the foyer to discretely stop sweating. Classy.
It’s always fun teaching here. And I love meeting new clients and figuring out how to lead them through a practice where they feel like they’ve worked hard, they’ve healed themselves in some way and they can walk out the door or face the next person feeling somewhat different. It’s like problem solving and it brings me wholeheartedly to the present moment. Moments to appreciate.
IT’S GLORIOUS OUT. DEVILANGEL JOGS PAST TWO MEN reeling in a 20-pound Blue Fish from the East River. She also runs past the guy from Paragon who sold her the pair of Asics on her feet last week. Strange happenings on a glorious day.
Good Yogi: I could close my eyes and for a split second and believe I’m back in Crete. The past few days of rain has lifted loads of heaviness. The light is different, it doesn’t smell out here, and it feels like NY has been through a major cleanse.
Bad Yogi: Oh man this guy approaching is jogging on my side of the path. I’m going to stay as long as possible and see if he moves first. What?! He’s not moving, are we going to have a head-on collision? Come ON. Be a gentleman! Is he trying to tell me something. My GOD he is signaling for me to move. How rude!
Reluctantly, DA moves.
GY: You know what, I’m not going to let him get to me. Take a look at the East River. It’s calm, it’s flat, it resembles a lake. Think of yoga sutra 1.2:
“yoga citta vritti nirodha“.
Put simply, yoga is the way in which we control/discipline (nirodha) the chatter (vritti) of our mind (citta). Now would be a good time to apply what you’ve learned. East River equals calm mind, minus joggers without manners.
The pep talk works and the jog goes smoothly. She returns home for a bit of yoga.
GY: Today I’m going to make it a point to not stretch to my edge. I love that in the freedom of my own sequencing, I can get straight to the tight spots and the poses that feel real good. But how come I sometimes feel slightly crippled upon waking the next day? I think I’m addicted to the sensation of a deep stretch. So I’ll find the stretch. And stretch and stretch and stretch, and without even realizing, I’m straining. Huh. So today it’s about going 50ish% into my postures.
30 minutes later…
BY: I’m hungry. Yawn. When I keep a block under my right knee in Agnistambhasana (ankle-to-knee pose), am I even releasing my right hip at all? Because it’s not really feeling that intense and I didn’t need to moan whatsoever. Aaanyway, I really am hungry now. I should finish up and have some food.
GY: And don’t forget the plan to finish with a 20 minute meditation.
BY: But my tummy’s growling. And I already did that yesterday at 6am!
GY: That was only because of your 5am insomnia wake up call.
Hunger wins. Whilst munching on breakfast, DA recalls her time in India, studying yoga therapy at the Krishnamacharya Yoga Mandarim with TKV Desikachar:
GY: When I wrote these notes three years ago I felt bad. I questioned how I could possibly be a good teacher when I failed pretty much every one of these:
Overeating – it’s almost a prerequisite in an Asian household.
Over exertion – I live in NY.
Excessive talk – this one I’m actually ok at. Teaching tires me of my own voice.
Following unwanted disciplines – I like to have fun!
Unwanted company of people – actually I’m good here too. Over the years I’ve learned that I teach best when I’m careful with my time.
Unsteadiness – I have big feet, my core could be much stronger and I can be extremely indecisive.
Three years later, I’m relieved I’ve let the devilangel out of the bag. Fail is a strong word and I’d be lying if I said I’m 100% ok with failing. I’m still a virgo and very hard on myself, but during those darkest hours it’s easier to do a 360 and think up rather than down. I’m learning to take snippets from different teachers and make sense of it my own way, as long as it’s genuine. And helping people understand and accept their imperfections is as important to me as teaching the poses.
TKV Desikachar at left:
